Isn’t it funny how we find the things that annoy us in others, is usually the thing that bothers us about ourselves. I mean when we really get honest with ourselves about it. You know that saying ‘when you point a finger at someone else you have three pointing back at you?’ Well if that is the case then why does it feel easier to just place the blame back on the other person?
From my experience, it is… the first time. But what happens is the next time, is the universe patiently collects all of the leaning and dumps it back on us, until we finally accept the teaching and learn what it is that the lesson is trying to teach. Playing this proverbial game of “Tackle Tag,” can sometimes be a painful experience because of the collateral damage that WE create while trying to understand the lesson.
Every week I have the opportunity to attend ‘Vehicle University.’ I decided to start calling it that so I could look at the same drive as an opportunity to learn and grow rather than the same old trip on the same boring road. This week while in university, I had the pleasure of listening to, “’Complaint Free Relationships: How to Positively Transform Your Personal, Work, and Love Relationships” by Will Bowen
“For those who think complaining feels good and gets them results, the documented research proves it doesn’t help at all. It’s a form of self-deception to think complaining changes anyone. It not only hurts others, it also hurts the complainer. It simply doesn’t work. “
I found it rather interesting to hear about Relationships from his prospective . By being Whole, Healthy and Complete ourselves, we can take 100% personal responsibility for the relationship outcome … instead of things being 50 / 50 it is each others accountability to take 100% personal responsibility to the success or failure of the relationship. That is without blame, judgment or accusations.
“Remember, if you are criticizing, you are not being grateful. If you are blaming, you are not being grateful. If you are complaining, you are not being grateful. If you are feeling tension, you are not being grateful. If you are rushing, you are not being grateful. If you are in a bad mood, you are not being grateful.
Gratitude can transform your life. Are you allowing minor things to get in the way of your transformation and the life you deserve? “ Rhonda Byrne
From my own experience, every time I resent, or complain about the way another person is BEing, it is like taking out the trash, but first attaching a bungee cord to it… so before I can even turn around, I find myself covered by a huge bag of hurling garbage that ricocheted back at me. And most of times, it is with the very same words that I tossed out to begin with.
So, how do we solve the issue of reflection? Well it can surely be solved with the very thing that secures the foundation of every relationship and business transaction. That is, INTEGRITY.
Integrity can be simply defined by, ‘Doing what YOU say that YOU are going to do, when YOU say YOU are going to do it!’ So, if YOU say that YOU are going to do something… do it, follow through and do it by when YOU said that YOU would DO it.
It seems too simple, however, that is it. BE who you say that you are, DO what you say that you are going to do. If you say that you are a person that can be counted on, then BE reliable. If you say that you are trustworthy, then BE honest. If you say that you are a kind person, then BE a kind person. If you make a commitment… keep it.
I know what you are thinking… that is, Marcia… but what if something comes up? What if I can’t keep the commitment? Well that is simple as well, if you are not able to do what you said that you would, come clean; first with yourself, then with the other party.
In the past, I have done a great job of making it appear like the reason I could not keep a commitment is because of another person. Perhaps the way that they were BEing was a great scapegoat as to why I did not want to carry on in our interaction. They were too pushy, to controlling, to arrogant or whatever. So I would make the reason their fault… so that I would not have to take responsibility for my part in it. I would just blame them… or someone else… just as long as I was not responsible. (That sounds horrible as I read it back… but, it was true.)
Ever since I have been able to take 100% responsibility for my BEing, my life has gone soooooooooo much smoother. You know the saying, “It’s not YOU it is me…?” Well, it really is me. I am the one who decides what I do, when I do it and to what extent I do things. Before I did things for people mostly out of guilt….now I do things because I want to! When I decide to not do something, I don’t judge myself or feel bad… So, if I say that I am going to do something now, I do it! If something comes up, I come clean and let the other party know… rather than projecting my junk on them. I own my part and WE both carry on.
In all that I do, I remember that everything that I do or don’t do, has a ripple effect… a result and an outcome… so with that knowing, I do my best to make my decisions from an educated perspective.. allowing me to act..rather than re-act!
P.S. I am simply a student in life…who sometimes slips into the roll of teacher..so that I am able to really understand the lessons life is freely providing me.